General: Are you where you expected to be

…the future’s not ours to see…written by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans, first published in 1956. I remember listening to Doris Day sing this song.

It never occurred to me to think into the future. To wonder what and where I wanted to be. To acknowledge that the future would one day be my present. Career? Marriage? Children? Family deaths. Nope, had no idea.

Naïve?

Stupid?

Unprepared?

Who is ever prepared? Life has a way of changing our plans. We change our minds, plans, thoughts. Hopefully for the better. You need to go with the flow and play the hand that comes your way.

Decide the person you can live with. No, not the person you want to be. The want isn’t always the strongest – most positive – choice. There’s another saying I’ve stumbled over – no matter where you go, there you’ll be. Everything you want to run from, leave behind, well, it will always be with you. It’s all in how you carry it.

How you take care of who you are. Acknowledge all aspects of you to yourself. No one else needs to know everything. Only if you care to share.

Sharing with someone can be the most positive choice. They can change what you have struggled to accept simply because they believe in you.

It’s true – it’s not the destination but the journey. The path only you can take.

Visiting Bonnie and Boris: Introducing Mistress Patrice

I never intended to keep Patrice, she was supposed to be a one story element. Someone to titillate the reader and Bonnie. Patrice was supposed to give a peek into what is considered a darker aspect of human sexuality. Peek, not a full on trip and dissection of something that deserves more respect than it is given. Patrice was also added for the peek, voyeurism nature which makes us all take that second…third…look.

I’m now seeing Patrice as the flip side to Cassie – two sides of the same coin. Women who are free of worry in order to explore their sexuality.

Too deep for erotica?

Sure, some will say yes or maybe, but I’ll disagree. What I’m finding is it’s this depth to human nature that intrigues me to write the erotic genre. Which also means searching out those authors who take care in researching their storylines.

This is also what I see as the difference between our genre and porn. Erotic stories need characters who are connected. Stories with more than just sex.

Patrice is a woman who needs control. Why? Why did she become a therapist and change to a sexually based therapy? Is there something in her background – something I don’t even know yet – which drives her?

What is her relationship with husband Peter? My feel of this relationship, and I hope it comes across, is she is the alpha.

One thing I do know about humans is sometimes the strongest person doesn’t need to be the one in control – the lead. A confident alpha can follow when required.

I know I’m the writer, but all this makes me even more interested in who these two are and where they’ll take me.

Reviews: There are limits

When I started thinking about reviewing our genre I knew I had to research a bit more on what all counts as erotic/erotica. The sub-categories are too numerous and some are completely beyond my comfort zone…way out of my comfort zone. Almost to the point where I know I’m judging others and their writing/reading and maybe practising choices.

Writing Bonnie and Boris, I am exploring threesomes, female/female, a dominatrix, and swinging, plus voyeurism. Areas I’ve never experienced, don’t really want to experience, but the mindset, and naturalness, are interesting to me. I’ve watched documentaries and have researched after seeing some on mainstream television (think CSI and their dominatrix storyline).

After checking online for guidelines, well, I’ve been shocked. There are some choices that I just can’t go anywhere near. And I’m not talking character age…I don’t care who the writer is or what the storyline is, no character should ever be under eighteen when talking our genre. Personally, I’d rather characters well into their twenties and older. Judging? Call it what you want, that line is firmly and legally drawn as far as I’m concerned.

All this leads me to realizing I need to think more on reviewing our genre. Being clear as to what I’ll accept and whether I’ll write the review should something come up in the story that goes against my comfort zone.

Censoring?

Disrespecting?

No and no.

Being clear and precise at the beginning will save us all a lot of confusion and arguing later.

The Erotic Genre: When the word is perfect as is

The one problem I have with writing the erotic genre is that there are only so many ways to call something, something. I’m talking private parts and the sex. I’m also talking noises.

It’s fine if your story has one sexual scene, but our genre requires more than that. I hear my editor’s voice telling me I’m repeating, but I know my characters and the words they would use and not use. Do I satisfy the editor or stay true to the characters?

Sometimes the perfect word is the same word and changing it will change the story feel.

And maybe I’m stressing too much over it all.

Word usage is also part of each character. If one character prefers pecker or vajay-jay, it wouldn’t make sense to use those names with someone else.

Unless I want the shock value. And those need to be limited in usage or they lose their effectiveness.

I know it has come to the surprise of some that our genre demands this much care and thought. Those unfamiliar thought it was all wham bam thank you mam.

Not that whamming and bamming are naughty, they just have their own writing style.

I know now that anyone who says writing sex is easy has never seriously written sex.

Character Take Over: Mistress Patrice

Who…

I’m known by many as Mistress Patrice. Intimately and as their teacher. And professionally. Some of you may giggle at that thought, but there are those who do not fit the standard therapy methods. These individuals require the discipline I allow and give. It is not all about sex and orgasm.

I am also a business woman.

Personally? I trust Bonnie and Boris to show who I am, in their eyes.

What…

I am a trained professional. I have my medical degree and as Mistress Patrice I have found where I am best served. For me and my clients. There is proof in the saying – doctor heal thyself. To know one’s self is the first step anyone can take.

I design and own Silk and Satin’s Leathers and Tethers. Our slogan…toys for your box. Cliché, I know.

Where…

My practice is private. Referrals only. My play is amongst those I trust and who trust me. We do not advertise.

When…

Business hours are determined by need. Entertaining, our dinner and a show, isn’t as often as you think. Neither are our retreats. There is something to, too much of a good thing. Privately, I enjoy the moments as they come.

Why…

Conventional doesn’t suit everyone. This is who I am. It has taken too much of my life not to accept who I am. I have found my niche in life. Very few know my story.

How…

Training. School. Studying. And therapy to understand myself. Acceptance of self. Learning to trust and to receive trust.

Thank you, Bonnie…Boris…Miss Theadora.

General: Faces

We all want to be recognized. No one wants to be the unseen in the crowd. Well, maybe if you’re always seen you might like to be the faceless one every so often.

To stay in the shadows feels lost and alone. Unwanted. Neglected.

So why an earring for my face?

For the escape.

Haven’t you ever wanted to keep driving and drive away from your normal life? Get on a plane and go without anyone knowing? Drop the every day and start new?

I’m not saying my normal life is one I want to give up. Not for all the money in the world. But, it is fun to put on the earring face and not have to deal with my norm. A face to escape to…with.

Recently, I had to decide if I wanted to keep my second face or claim my own. A certain social media home claimed I wasn’t who I said I was. In order to prove this, I had to claim those friends I have on that site.

Hmm, was I proving I was real or that they are?

As you can tell, I obviously chose my earring face. Why?

Because that is still me. Just as my fears have their image, so does my erotic writer and they live with the woman who mothers most all she claims. One day the middle grade writer will show her face right alongside the nightmare making sleuth writer.

Our faces are all ours. The persona behind just differs.

Don’t forget to put your face on.

Visiting Bonnie and Boris: Introducing Cassie

I realized after Cassie took over the blog last month that this introduction may seem backwards. Maybe it should be introductions then allow the characters to take over and speak for themselves; however, that would be too normal and boring. By choosing to let them speak first you might just be curious enough to want to know how they came to be.

Then again, there will be different visits to Bonnie and Boris.

Cassie came about because I needed another female for the erotic aspects of the story. Plain and simple, but I also wanted someone who Bonnie and Boris would have complete trust in. Someone who was independent, life-loving, adventurous, and a bit of a minx…sexy and sensual. The fun about writing Cassie is I didn’t know any of this until she started talking in the first book “Gift Giving.” In that first scene she was a giggling sexy bombshell who was there for the tease. A fun secondary character who I didn’t expect to visit again.

That’s the beauty of writing, characters can take over when they know…some deep part of the writer’s imagination or muse knows…they’re more than first written. Cassie has become a repeat visitor and someone who I’m pretty sure will end up in her own set of stories.

Cassie is building to be a character who gives loyalty and trust based on her gut reaction, but do not cross her. Do not cross her friends.

Did I know she had a brother? Nope. That came out of the blue. Her reason for living life in the moment without regrets? Maybe. This is why I know we’ll be visiting with Cassie again, she’s more than her smile…and Double Ds…much more.